Category: <span>Faux News</span>

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b_cew.jpgBarbara Cew, 19, of Northfield, lost her virginity Saturday, Jan. 6 at the Cannon River Wilderness Area parking lot just south of Northfield on Cty. Rd 20 (see this Google map). She was accompanied by her boyfriend of 7 months, Max Welhaus, 20, of Dundas. Ms. Crew chose a satin flyaway babydoll for her undergarment. Mr. Welhaus stuck with his traditional tighty whities. A bright yellow Twisted Pleasure was the couple’s choice of prophylactic. Ravel’s Bolero, a longtime favorite of Ms. Crew, played on the CD player of Mr. Welhaus’ vehicle, a light green 2002 Ford Explorer. The couple celebrated the milestone afterwards with pumpkin pie and decaf at Perkin’s on Hwy. 3.

loss_of_virginity_P_Gauguin.jpgMr. Welhaus lost his virginity shortly after graduating from Northfield High School in 2005 with Mandy Lifeboats, Lonsdale, age 18, at the time. Ms. Cew’s parents lost their virginity at approximately the same age, in a rural part of western South Dakota, but not with each other. Mr. Welhaus’ parents could not be reached by press time.

11:00 PM Update: Upon the advice of some trusted advisors, I toned down the entry a notch by removing one sentence.

Editor’s note:

Northfield.org has joined the Northfield News and KYMN in providing obituary announcements. The Northfield News, of course, also does birth announcements, graduation announcements, engagement and marriage announcements, anniversary announcements, and job change announcements.

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